a confession of a budak hingusan

a dream has been bugging me about my self. that dream made me wonder that i should change my self. i should try to change who i am just to satisfy others. and thaat really turned me off today.

yes im loud. yes im big. yes im obnoxious. yes i love to laugh oout loud. so what is the fricking problem? no, im not a choosy brat. no, im not hard to work wit. no, im not that hateful. no im not vengeful. yes, i like to spend but thats mine to spend and not urs. and i know when to control and when to let it all out. i know my limits. yes i admit i have spoken a few harsh words now and then. but who gives a fuck?! perfection is nothing.

maybe this is just me. maybe it is just me trying to shout out loud, " hey motherfuckers im fucking serabut now so bugg the fuck off!" hahahhaa. trust me doing it in a blog doesnt work that much compared to shouting out loud in  reality but hey its surely much more safer. it is me. i know i have flaws. but i cant help it im a human.its in my nature to fuck up sometimes.

but its a shame for me not to appreciate my self. although im not the best looking around. although im not the toughest around and maybe im not the smartest around. i am also the one have lots to say about the littlest things thats happening(criticzeer). but i should also believe that i am the one who have al the things that the others dont. for those stuff ill just keep it to myself. because its for me to think and for me to appreciate.

mocassociation

have you ever had a feeling of not knowing what to do and yet u have done each and everything that is needed. u have done all the stuff that u thought u were supposed to do and yet you still have that urge to do that one thing that is needed to be taken care of. its a drag i know but sometimes life can be a drag.

hahhaa

enough said bout that lets get to the serious matter. staying in egypt i have to say that there is an obvious competition of association trying to recruit new members by buying them thru foods, buying them thru meetings and religous activities. not that i am trying to say anything but the way they are trying to convey themselves doesnt really match up with the motive of their association in the first place. take for example these two association, lets call them persatuan a (PA) and the other as persatuan b (PB). PA is trying to group as many as medical students as possible to be the whole great assoc in the region meanwhie PB is trying to fight for islam. not that im commenting but the way they are competing to recruit new members are very unorthodox, they kept on saying harsh remarks at each other and keep on throwing as many programmes as possible. and the programmes they are holding is not that beneficial nor that interesting. now how do you suppose people to be interested in what ur trying to do when you are not really considering about the target audience when in fact what ure trying so hard to focus on the the other party and trying to topple what they had done.

for me who ever you are what ever assoc u enter it must be for the right reasons. not to say these forms of groups are wrong and bad. but its what u believe and what u seek personally is what really matters. if ur trying to enter an assoc just for the sake of belonging to a group then u better not. its better for u to join the groups on facebook if thats what u really want. because in the end those assoc will reflect on who u are. yeah its nice to belong somewhere but when u belong to an assoc that enters someone's house without any permission, trying so hard to persuade people to join and accept the rules that u made. then its a shame on you and shame on them. think hard and think smart.

p/s: this entry i based on my observation and my logical thinking. it wasnt intended to any individual specifically. i hope no one gets hurt because of this.

passion and life

Passion is something hard for any of us to find. it is something that is treasured by many people that seek that certain accomplishment feeling in life. i had that feeling once. and that feeling made me do weired things. lovely things. and because of that feeling too i threw away the most important part of my life and that is my ambition. yeah you. you were my first and its hard for me to say that im over you.

well enough said about the past. its time for us to look whats ahead. to look at the promising future we have in front of us. here right now i feel the sky is wide opened for me to reach out to the sky and achieve whatever that i want. this feeling is good. this feeling is right. before this i always have a feeling that my life is going to crumble down to pieces. i always thought that my future would turn to ashes and i would be living a normal life. a cliche phrase from a cloche man. but all that pessimistic views had a taken a toll. now i have a new prespective in life. now He has shown me that He decides what is best for me and that i have to trust my own judgement and that i have to have faith in everything that i do. i need to be patient for life is not living for a month. it takes a life time. and to live a good life we have to endure a a few hard times on the way.

there is a quote that i forgot from whom i took. but it is nice:

we have to believe and trust in what we do for what happens come from His decisions and his makings.

AMARAH

bukanye nak kata aku ni jahat. bukan aku nak kata aku ni hebat. but if ur trying to talk about wisdom and life ur talking the wrong tune. life is different than what it seems. we can plan our life, we can plan the way we want things to be but the ALMIGHTY ALLAH has far greater plans for us. so don't talk about life with me. i may look wreckless and i may look simple but that doesnt mean i dont have any C4 bombs up my sleeves that i can throw to you kid. 

i dont ask for any reapect just because im older. i dont ask for any red carpet just because i know something more. but listen us out. we know something. so fuck you for being all mature and wise. 

update!

Truly where do i start? Its been a hell of a month for me. A lot of thing had happened in just 30 days. I had changed my current city. I had ventured into a foreign land. I had made amends with people who I had never thought i would meet before. Taking this all and ingesting it in in just 30 days, truly I am a new man. Hahahaha.

It's the first time i've been far away from home. the first time i stepped outside malaysian borders and so far im getting used to it. of course, there is the jitters of getting lost, of losing connections and losing hope. but i have my sisters and not to forget the coolest three brothers anyone could ever ask for. plus they all have blackberry which makes it easier for communication. but what sucks is that egypt tak ada apps world. teruk betul!

enough of that. DRAMAS, DRAMAS DRAMAS! sumpah tak tipu weyh. its just that the thought of others being different from them is unbearable for them to accept and to top that they would like to think out loud about what they are thinking exactly on that exact moment. it would be bad of i say anything more and it would make me look more like a backstabber if do that. but its not that i dont appreciate them being my friends and all its just that the gap between us are still further apart and somehow i am trying to meet them halfway. truly they are unlike my friends. my lakeside pisser, latenight walker, sideminded driver, joyful friends. rindu lah cibai! but no worries! Nape dan Sodom serta yang lain ada disini! hahhah

i guess thats all for this entry. tillwe meest again.

cheers matey.

The First

Alhamdulillah. Im back on  bussiness biotches. hahaha, lets see how well i ll do this time eyh?
Since my first attempt at blogspot-ing is washed down the drain due to my stupid password whic is hard to crack ice made a new and improved blog. So get ready guys to listen to all of my anger and sorrow as i have a kot of them here in Mother bleeping Egypt.